[He takes a drink as he thinks it over. His most action-packed story is probably the time he became immortal, but it's long and, in all honesty, really weird.]
I think Luck'd get mad if I talked about the Gandors' affairs...
I could tell you about the two worst "thieves" I've ever met and how they managed to steal a person.
[Firo was keeping his description vague for a reason; the actual story is probably even less exciting than what she's expecting. It might even verge into the sentimental.]
Keep in mind that I wasn't actually around for all of this, so some of it I don't know too well. But it all actually happened, I promise.
All right... So this all starts back in November of 1930 when a stranger comes to town. Four of 'em, actually. One pair's the thieves I just mentioned--Isaac and Miria--we'll start with... No, let's start with the other two.
The others were a woman named Ennis and a nasty old bastard called Szilard. As for why Szilard was there, I'm not gonna get into it because it's tricky to explain and really weird. And we don't care about him anyway. Ennis was there because... Well, she didn't exactly have a choice.
[His expression darkens somewhat after that last line.]
[A slight smile flickers across his face. Except for a few events from that night in November, 1930 was a pretty good year for him.]
Not for all of us.
As for Ennis, she wasn't in danger of losin' her home or job like some people, but she didn't have the best situation, either. That's another thing that's hard to explain, so let's just say she couldn't go against Szilard's wishes and live, even though she was really tough.
That day, he sent her out to catch some punks who'd stolen from him. Er-well, he thought they did. Now, these robbers aren't Isaac and Miria, but guess who they happened to be pickin' on when Ennis came lookin' for 'em? Those guys for some reason picked a fight with those two idiots, despite Isaac and Miria being completely harmless.
[He shakes his head in distaste. He knows the couple probably said something stupid to make Dallas mad, but he already had a low opinion of Dallas.]
[Revy just nods at the description of Ennis' situation. That was certainly a common enough situation in a criminal cesspool like Roanapur -- or the slums of Manhattan. As for Isaac and Miria...]
Maybe. The more I get to know 'em, the more I think they just attract trouble. Or start it.
Ennis really didn't care what happened to them, she just knew she had to get her guys. So she took 'em all down, one at a time. Isaac and Miria, of course, didn't know why she was there at all, so they decided she'd probably showed up just to rescue them. So they thanked her. Very enthusiastically.
[He wasn't there for this part, but, knowing Isaac and Miria, he can imagine it. He takes a sip of his drink and smiles sadly.]
Up to that point, that was the first time she'd been thanked. Ever. So even though she didn't have the time to stay around and chat, in a way they were her first friends. Of course, that's not where the story ends. Once she reported back to Szilard with the job done there was more work to do that night. And that's where things started to go even farther south for her.
[Considering someone a friend just because they'd thanked you sounds kinda lame to Revy, but she doesn't say that out loud, surprisingly. Instead, she waits expectantly for Firo to hopefully get to the more exciting part of the story.]
The next thing Szilard had Ennis do was go watch a Camorra hideout while he went in and attacked it—-he was lookin’ for one of the members. She, uh, had a little run-in with someone, and then as soon as they got that figured out, those guys she beat up before showed up. With tommy guns. So you can probably imagine what happened there.
[This is where things get weird. Firo smiles and continues casually, though he's pretty interested in how Revy's going to react.]
...Of course, given what she is, Ennis got back up from bein’ cut to ribbons just a little while later. All in one piece. And then she went lookin’ for Szilard.
In the meantime, Isaac and Miria had actually been in that hideout. They’d wormed their way into the party goin’ on the night before and had come back the next day to give a gift.
[It takes a moment for Revy to parse what doesn't belong, since she hadn't been expecting it, but once she does she steamrolls right over Firo's words, waving her hands in front of her in disbelief.]
Wait wait wait wait wait. [Pointing accusingly at Firo.] Chick gets pumped fulla lead and gets back up like nothing's happened? [Naw. You're blowin' smoke up Revy's ass, bro.]
[He chuckles, shaking his head. Normally people guess that they're vampires or just generally call them "monsters".]
...That's a new one. But nah, she's not. Do you know what a homunculus is? And have you heard of the elixir of life? Ennis was, um, grown in that. So... she's immortal.
You sure you're from Earth? 'Cause they don't have that shit where I'm from.
[They just have people who can dualwield effectively and without acquiring physical strain from doing so as well as a so-far-off-her-rocker-she-sailed-clear-to-Pluto killer maid who evaded multiple battle forces (both national and criminal) essentially unharmed. You know. Normal things.]
Hrm. [She kinda doubts it, but...if it's not true, then that would mean there would be alternate Earths out there, right?
...well, it's not the weirdest concept in this fuckin' world. (It's also entirely possible Firo could totally be putting her on. But she doubts that too. The kid seems pretty sincere.) Revy leans back in her chair as well.] Okay, so Ennis is a homun-whatever. She's back from the dead, now what? [Is there a bloody rampage? Revy would like to hear about that.]
Well, she goes back to look for Szilard and see what he wants her to do next. She did still see that as her job, after all. When she finds him around the corner in the alley, he's facin' off against one of the capos from the Camorra Family he attacked.
A few feet away, her friends Isaac and Miria are in Szilard's car--they stole it from him. The windshield's shattered where they hit him with it, but Szilard's completely fine. Just pissed off. So... he gives her a knife and tells her to go take care of Isaac and Miria.
[He frowns. He's not keeping his cover as impartial storyteller very well, but he's offended to hear Ennis insulted. And Ennis is anything but a wuss.]
She did not wuss out!
[He clears his throat, looking away.]
She went up to Isaac and Miria, thanked them, and told them to get outta there. Then she ran to Szilard and stabbed him in the back.
Woulda' been nice if he kicked the bucket right then, but Szilard was immortal. Unlike Ennis, he wasn't made in the elixir, he just drank it. But he could still recover from that just as fast, and when he did...
[He sighs and stares at the tabletop. This is one of the parts of this story that he doesn't like so much, though the ending makes up for it.]
The thing about a homonculus is that there's a link between them and the person who made 'em. For Ennis, that person was Szilard. So right then and there, when he decided he wanted her to die, she started to, well... Break down, basically, in her cells. He didn't want to kill her quickly.
So that's why she couldn't go against him before, huh? Sounds like a messy end -- and all because those two other people thanked her? [A shrug.] Doesn't seem worth it to me.
Exactly. She didn't doubt for a second that he'd do it--he'd done it to the homonuli before her.
[He shrugs.]
Like I said, they were the first people she met who didn't treat her like she was lower than dirt. I don't know if I woulda' done the same if I was her, but that still means something. And she was tired, I think, of killin' people for him. It was worth it, the way she saw it.
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Whatever you got, make it exciting. I don't like sentimental or tearjerking bullshit.
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[He takes a drink as he thinks it over. His most action-packed story is probably the time he became immortal, but it's long and, in all honesty, really weird.]
I think Luck'd get mad if I talked about the Gandors' affairs...
I could tell you about the two worst "thieves" I've ever met and how they managed to steal a person.
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[Kidnapping? That's pretty tame fare for Revy, but good enough to start with. She leans back and takes a swig from her new drink.]
All right. Shoot.
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Keep in mind that I wasn't actually around for all of this, so some of it I don't know too well. But it all actually happened, I promise.
All right... So this all starts back in November of 1930 when a stranger comes to town. Four of 'em, actually. One pair's the thieves I just mentioned--Isaac and Miria--we'll start with... No, let's start with the other two.
The others were a woman named Ennis and a nasty old bastard called Szilard. As for why Szilard was there, I'm not gonna get into it because it's tricky to explain and really weird. And we don't care about him anyway. Ennis was there because... Well, she didn't exactly have a choice.
[His expression darkens somewhat after that last line.]
You follow me so far?
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[Revy nods.]
1930, huh? Shitty time, what with the Great Depression and everything.
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Not for all of us.
As for Ennis, she wasn't in danger of losin' her home or job like some people, but she didn't have the best situation, either. That's another thing that's hard to explain, so let's just say she couldn't go against Szilard's wishes and live, even though she was really tough.
That day, he sent her out to catch some punks who'd stolen from him. Er-well, he thought they did. Now, these robbers aren't Isaac and Miria, but guess who they happened to be pickin' on when Ennis came lookin' for 'em? Those guys for some reason picked a fight with those two idiots, despite Isaac and Miria being completely harmless.
[He shakes his head in distaste. He knows the couple probably said something stupid to make Dallas mad, but he already had a low opinion of Dallas.]
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[Revy just nods at the description of Ennis' situation. That was certainly a common enough situation in a criminal cesspool like Roanapur -- or the slums of Manhattan. As for Isaac and Miria...]
Wrong place, wrong time, probably.
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Maybe. The more I get to know 'em, the more I think they just attract trouble. Or start it.
Ennis really didn't care what happened to them, she just knew she had to get her guys. So she took 'em all down, one at a time. Isaac and Miria, of course, didn't know why she was there at all, so they decided she'd probably showed up just to rescue them. So they thanked her. Very enthusiastically.
[He wasn't there for this part, but, knowing Isaac and Miria, he can imagine it. He takes a sip of his drink and smiles sadly.]
Up to that point, that was the first time she'd been thanked. Ever. So even though she didn't have the time to stay around and chat, in a way they were her first friends. Of course, that's not where the story ends. Once she reported back to Szilard with the job done there was more work to do that night. And that's where things started to go even farther south for her.
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[Considering someone a friend just because they'd thanked you sounds kinda lame to Revy, but she doesn't say that out loud, surprisingly. Instead, she waits expectantly for Firo to hopefully get to the more exciting part of the story.]
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[This is where things get weird. Firo smiles and continues casually, though he's pretty interested in how Revy's going to react.]
...Of course, given what she is, Ennis got back up from bein’ cut to ribbons just a little while later. All in one piece. And then she went lookin’ for Szilard.
In the meantime, Isaac and Miria had actually been in that hideout. They’d wormed their way into the party goin’ on the night before and had come back the next day to give a gift.
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[It takes a moment for Revy to parse what doesn't belong, since she hadn't been expecting it, but once she does she steamrolls right over Firo's words, waving her hands in front of her in disbelief.]
Wait wait wait wait wait. [Pointing accusingly at Firo.] Chick gets pumped fulla lead and gets back up like nothing's happened? [Naw. You're blowin' smoke up Revy's ass, bro.]
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That's what I said, isn't it? It took a few seconds for everything to patch itself back up, but after that she was fine.
[He shrugs, as if it's something that happens every day. He could volunteer the explanation, but where's the fun in that?]
Can I keep goin', or are you gonna need a moment?
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You tellin' me she's some sort of zombie?
[Revy's not complaining about this twist, but she'll be pissed if Firo's trolling her.]
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...That's a new one. But nah, she's not. Do you know what a homunculus is? And have you heard of the elixir of life? Ennis was, um, grown in that. So... she's immortal.
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[Staaaaaaaaaring at Firo right now.]
You sure you're from Earth? 'Cause they don't have that shit where I'm from.
[They just have people who can dualwield effectively and without acquiring physical strain from doing so as well as a so-far-off-her-rocker-she-sailed-clear-to-Pluto killer maid who evaded multiple battle forces (both national and criminal) essentially unharmed. You know. Normal things.]
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[He leans back in his chair.]
Maybe it's out there on your Earth, too, you just haven't realized yet.
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Hrm. [She kinda doubts it, but...if it's not true, then that would mean there would be alternate Earths out there, right?
...well, it's not the weirdest concept in this fuckin' world. (It's also entirely possible Firo could totally be putting her on. But she doubts that too. The kid seems pretty sincere.) Revy leans back in her chair as well.] Okay, so Ennis is a homun-whatever. She's back from the dead, now what? [Is there a bloody rampage? Revy would like to hear about that.]
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[He nods and continues.]
Well, she goes back to look for Szilard and see what he wants her to do next. She did still see that as her job, after all. When she finds him around the corner in the alley, he's facin' off against one of the capos from the Camorra Family he attacked.
A few feet away, her friends Isaac and Miria are in Szilard's car--they stole it from him. The windshield's shattered where they hit him with it, but Szilard's completely fine. Just pissed off. So... he gives her a knife and tells her to go take care of Isaac and Miria.
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Lemme guess -- she wusses out?
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She did not wuss out!
[He clears his throat, looking away.]
She went up to Isaac and Miria, thanked them, and told them to get outta there. Then she ran to Szilard and stabbed him in the back.
[So Revy was pretty much right.]
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[Yeah, Revy barks with laughter at that.]
Shit, he must've been pissed! So did he die or is he a homunculus too?
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[He sighs and stares at the tabletop. This is one of the parts of this story that he doesn't like so much, though the ending makes up for it.]
The thing about a homonculus is that there's a link between them and the person who made 'em. For Ennis, that person was Szilard. So right then and there, when he decided he wanted her to die, she started to, well... Break down, basically, in her cells. He didn't want to kill her quickly.
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So that's why she couldn't go against him before, huh? Sounds like a messy end -- and all because those two other people thanked her? [A shrug.] Doesn't seem worth it to me.
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[He shrugs.]
Like I said, they were the first people she met who didn't treat her like she was lower than dirt. I don't know if I woulda' done the same if I was her, but that still means something. And she was tired, I think, of killin' people for him. It was worth it, the way she saw it.
...But I didn't say it ended for her there.
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[HA SEE WHAT SHE DID THERE]
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